Have you ever really liked someone but you knew damn well they were trouble?  This happened to me recently. Hardest shit EVER. I knew that I would fall hard for this guy.  I knew it. Every nerve ending in my body was telling me to run. The chemistry was too good. We were talking constantly and just vibing on a level I had never connected with another person on.  The problem was….he has a whole fiance. My moral compass was spinning in circles over this situation.  

I knew the moment my heart started racing when I heard my phone ding that it was a wrap.  I was reminded every time I caught myself daydreaming about him that the trouble following any sort of fuckery would be epic.  The moment I smelled his cologne I knew that it would break me. It all sounds uber dramatic but, I had been chatting with him since my last post on D-Day.  I’ve basically been celebrating my freedom with him. It was my last relationship ALL OVER AGAIN. We all know how well that shit turned out.  

There’s a song by The Strokes called “Bad Decisions” and when I tell you I’ve been playing on repeat for days I’m being so serious.  The fact that I was immediately able to see what a bad idea all this was is a vast improvement in terms of my healing status. In the past, the idea of having someone would have sent me into a death spiral of codependent, people-pleasing, toxicity.  Even with knowing all of this I am aching…..It’s absolute agony. I’m just sitting here shaking my damn head.   

I had to take extreme measures to free myself.  I blocked him. I blocked his number and unfriended him.  My people-pleasing ass feels absolutely awful but, I had to do it for me, you know what I mean?  Imagine my dope ass self being a side chick? I think TF not. I know that I deserve better than that.  I am hoping that he does too. So, I’m gonna go ahead and keep enjoying this single life. I’m not a fucking masochist.  This is what growth looks like.  

Maybe next lifetime. 

Have you ever had to make the decision to run to avoid a potential dumpster fire of emotional hot messery?